


baby, it's cold outside (and i want starbucks)

by Poe



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern: No Powers, Alternate Universe - Vampire, Follows BTVS Lore, M/M, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Slash, Vampire Slayer Bucky Barnes, Vampire Steve Rogers, WIP
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-15
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-03-05 05:03:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13380735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poe/pseuds/Poe
Summary: Bucky is a vampire slayer. Look, it's complicated, okay? Anyway. He's waiting for a vampire to rise up from the grave so he can go get some hot chocolate and go home. Shenanigans ensue. Written for Fandom Loves Puerto Rico.





	baby, it's cold outside (and i want starbucks)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kalika_999](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalika_999/gifts).



Bucky sits in front of a recently dug and filled grave, and waits cross legged, playing absent-mindedly with the stake in his hand. He has to admit, the turn around on tomb stones in this part of the city is damned impressive, because the guy who died has been in the ground less than twenty four hours and already there’s a mini monolith declaring:

**STEVEN GRANT ROGERS**

**1994 – 2018**

**SUNSHINE BOY**

And they say Americans don’t get irony. _Ain’t no more sunshine for you, Stevie_ , Bucky thinks to himself and shakes his head, twirling the stake gently. The sun has set properly now, and it’s just a matter of waiting. Sometimes they take a while, coffins these days, christ, Bucky wouldn’t want to have to break out of one, even with slayer strength. It’d be doable, but pfft. He looks down at his nails, bitten and stubby. Yeah, okay, not winning any prizes for presentation, but they’d look worse if he’d climbed outta a grave, he’s pretty sure.

Thing about him being a slayer, capital S Slayer, is that his twin, Becca is one. And apparently that confuses the whole witchy fuckery that activated all the slayers at once about a decade ago, and so here he is, trying not to shiver his ass off in a graveyard in January during one of the worst winters he can remember.

Maybe the ground’s too cold, maybe it’s too frosted over. Maybe tonight is a bust. Maybe he should just give up now and swing by Starbucks and get some hot chocolate into his system. Maybe, maybe, baby.

But no, the ground in front of him definitely just bulged, so apparently it’s staking time. He stands and takes a step back, and soon enough, a pale hand with torn and bloody nails emerges and grasps for something to hold onto.

_Yeah, not helping you out, buddy._

To be honest, Bucky has seen some pretty poor efforts in his time, but this is really kinda pathetic. The hand scrabbles and more dirt falls into the hole, making the situation, if anything, worse. Bucky’s phone vibrates and he checks it quickly – Becca checking up on him, making sure he hasn’t become snack food, and he checks the grave again before tapping out a reply: _Could be here a while_. She quickly replies asking if he needs help, but he assures her he’s got this. It’s just – boring.

I mean, sad, obviously. Poor sap probably didn’t ask to become a vampire, but that’s how it goes. Vampire meet slayer = poof. Immortality just ain’t what it used to be.

“Jesus christ, it is fucking cold,” Bucky mutters to himself, and looks down at the grave again, before reaching forward, and grabbing the hand and pulling. Now he’s thought about hot chocolate he’s craving it and maybe it’s only fair that he moves things along a little.

The guy doesn’t weigh much and pops out of the earth like the world’s most grubby jack in a box, holding firm onto Bucky’s arm, but not in a painful way. Bucky has his other arm ready with the stake, but the guy, once he’s out of the earth, doesn’t go straight into attack mode. Which is… unusual. He’s not even crinkly faced. Just kinda bewildered. And – though his face is muddied, there are tear tracks down his cheeks, curving off to the side from where he’d been lying down in the dark for so long. Bucky shudders.

“Erm,” Bucky says, and the vamp still doesn’t go into kung fu mode or mutter something about slayers, and seriously is that like, an instinctive thing or do they get a memo or something because they all seem to do that and it’s like, weird, when Bucky thinks about it. Instead the guy, who is shorter than Bucky by a head and underneath all that mud could be blond is hunched in on himself, breathing heavily, the hand that’s not still gripping Bucky’s covering his mouth.

This could all just be an elaborate ruse, but the newbies are normally pretty dumb, and it seems kinda genuine. Bucky almost feels sorry for the guy. Talk about culture shock.

“Is – is this hell?” The guy finally says, and looks at Bucky with red-rimmed eyes, before wiping at them with the sleeve of his funeral jacket and only succeeding in spreading more dirt everywhere.

“Christ,” Bucky says, mentally watching the date with his hot chocolate vanish from his evening plans. “Okay, you know you’re a vampire, right? And I’m a slayer? We have to fight now. Come on, man, it’s like, the thing.”

The guy looks up at him and then around the graveyard.

“I’m not a vampire,” the guy says petulantly, sticking his bottom lip out now stubbornly.

“Erm, you just crawled out of your own grave. Look, I have met an above average number of zombies and let me tell you you do not smell bad enough to be one of those, so I’m gonna go with vampire. That and you still have bite marks on your neck. Kinda a giveaway right there.”

The guy finally lets go of Bucky’s hand and slaps his hand to his neck.

“I got – I was trying to break up a mugging. One of them fuckin’ _bit_ me.”

“And looks like they turned you. Congrats, you’re a creature of the night. Unfortunately, you’re evil so I have to kill you now. It’s nothing personal,” Bucky shrugs.

The guy stumbles backward away from Bucky. Bucky moves forward carefully, aware of the hole in the ground. The guy ends up backed against his own tomb stone, hands on cold granite. Bucky nods down at it. The guy follows his line of sight and reads the etched words before letting out something akin to a sob.

“Sorry, Stevie, you kicked the bucket. Sorta big time.”

“This is hell,” the guy – Steven, it seems kinda weird to call him ‘ _the guy’_ when he’s crying, repeats.

“Nope, just Brooklyn. Could be worse, if you’d’ve been buried in Jersey I mighta had to agree with you.”

“I don’t want – please – I don’t want to be dead,” Steven pleads, and Bucky is beginning to hate this. Bring on the kung fu already.

“It’s not really a take-backsies situation, Stevie,” Bucky says softly. “Now, come on, you wanna try kill me? I’ll go easy on you.”

Steven looks aghast. “Why would I want to try kill you?”

“Because you’re a vampire. And I’m the slayer. I kill vampires. I’m like, really freaking good at it. Vampires, demons, zombies, anything that can be stabbed or beheaded, really. Sometimes I set things on fire, but, ya know, health and safety. And like, it’s really freaking cold, and I’m pretty sure if you’ve been a good little vampire you’ll go to vampire heaven or something so like, if we could get to the fighting then it’s not like, game over, right?”

“You want to kill me because you’re _cold_?” Steven’s eyes are wide. “That’s – that’s like, a really horrible thing to say.”

“Yeah, well,” Bucky shifts his weight slightly, awkwardly, “normally we don’t chat about feelings beforehand.”

“Because that’d get in the way of the murder?”

“Give me strength. You’re already dead, it’s not murder if you’re already dead.”

Bucky’s phone buzzes again.

“Look, if I get that, are you going to attack me?” He asks, rolling his eyes.

Steven just gives him a _look_.

“Okay then, christ.” Bucky checks his phone, just Becca again. _Got a situation here, nothing to worry about, don’t wait up_ , he types, and puts his phone back in his pocket. “Okay, seriously though, it is _snowing_. I can’t feel my fingers. If your evil plan is for me to get hypothermia then like, congrats because that seems to be the only plan you have.”

“I dug my way out of my own coffin. And apparently I’m dead. Sorry I’m not being more convenient right now,” Steven growls and almost sounds like the monster he’s supposed to be.

“Look, I’m really craving Starbucks hot chocolate, can you not have an existential crisis right now?”

“So let’s go to Starbucks,” Steven replies.

“Yeah, no. You’re covered in half of Brooklyn cemetery right now. It’s not a great look,” Bucky points out.

“ _Fine_ , we’ll go to my apartment, it’s like, three blocks that way,” Steven gestures.

“Oh yeah, nothing could go wrong with that plan at all, do you think I was born yesterday?”

“Yeah, well, I died, so to be honest, it wouldn’t surprise me,” Steven snarks back, and fair play. For a vampire.

“Do you at least have coffee at your apartment?” Bucky asks, and Steven glances at him, like he can’t believe Bucky’s considering this. Like he’s still expecting that stake through the heart at any second. Which – why isn’t Bucky still considering that. What the fuck is happening here.

“Doesn’t everyone have coffee?” Steven asks like it’s obvious.

Bucky flips him off. They seem to have started walking in the general direction of Steven’s apartment, Steven shedding dirt with every step. His eyes are bright blue under his bangs and Bucky catches him staring more than once.

“Just so you know, this is not a precedent,” Bucky says. “It’s just coffee. Then I’m going to stake you.”

“Violence is not always the answer,” Steven says, aiming for wise, but just sounding dumb, because, ya know, vampire.

“Kinda is,” Bucky shrugs, and then realises he hasn’t introduced himself. “I’m Bucky, by the way. Feels like you should know that. Maybe I should have business cards. I don’t know, this is kinda a new thing.”

“I’m Steve,” Steven – no Steve, replies, and bites his lip, before looking at Bucky again. “Erm. Is it bad if I say I’m feeling really fuckin’ hungry right now?”

“It’s – not great. You gonna bite me?” Bucky says, trying to keep his voice even.

“I don’t think so.”

“Your certainty assures me.”

“I’ve had a really weird evening, okay,” Steve says and bumps his arm against Bucky’s. It’s almost – affectionate. Christ, Bucky needs to stake this guy before he considers using up his Get Out Of Jail Free card on this guy. Every slayer gets one. Sometimes vampires are hot. Like, it’s a thing. Jeez, it’s not like he’s into zombies or something. Or demons. Or whatever the fuck it was he killed about a month ago with tentacles and _so much slime_. Vampires are human- _ish_.  

“No fucking shit,” Bucky says when he realises he hasn’t responded. Steve bites his lip again and Bucky thinks to himself – _oh no_.

 

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to kalika_999 for bidding on me and for being so patient about me writing this. 
> 
> if you need me, i'm on tumblr at rebeltopgunpilot until i find a url which is less unwieldy. 
> 
> there will be another chapter of this once i can figure out what that would involve. at some stage. in the future. probably. 
> 
> (p.s. i know the bucky the vampire slayer concept has been done before and much, much better, i've just had this in my head for years and it needed out. go read the better versions of this, idk man, leave me alone for five minutes and i'll write about vampires what can i tell you)


End file.
